In holy temples, worthy members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can be sealed, or married, on Earth and in heaven for time and all eternity. Meaning they can retain this sacred relationship after death. Thus, the phrase “until death do us part” becomes void.
The First Presidency said, “The sealing of a husband and wife in the temple is of eternal significance and a crowning experience on the covenant path.”
Since this is such a special and important ceremony for the couple and their family, many may express disappointment by not being allowed in the temple to see it. Many families have felt injured, excluded, and saddened by the rules. They may even feel inferior and unloved.
But as important as families are, we want to avoid these situations and form strong bonds with our new families. So here are some ways you can consider including your non-member family in your temple wedding. These may not work in all situations but may inspire you to find your own ideas.
Who Can Attend a Temple Wedding?
Worthy members of The Church of Jesus Christ who hold temple recommendations and have been endowed may attend a temple sealing. Additionally, only members with a current recommend may enter temples.
This means family members who don’t have a temple recommend or who aren’t members can’t attend the sealing ceremony.
Boyd K. Packer once said, “The young couple must understand that their parents may have looked forward to the wedding day during the entire lives of the bride and groom. Their desire to attend the wedding, and their resentment when they cannot, is a sign of parental attachment. It is not to be resented by the young couple. It is to be understood and planned for carefully as a part of the wedding.”
Additionally, most temple sealing rooms only allow 10 to 20 people to enter. These important and sacred ceremonies are reserved for immediate or close family members or friends who qualify to enter. Many family and friends may feel uncomfortable and not understand why they can’t participate.
How Long Is a Temple Wedding?
A temple wedding typically lasts 20 to 30 minutes. However, guests and the couple must arrive early based on the instructions from the temple.
Additionally, the bride and groom will often take longer to leave as they change out of their ceremonial clothing into their wedding attire.
In some cases, guests outside the temple can wait around an hour, give or take, for the couple to come out.
Finally, after the couple exits the temple, many choose to have family photos taken on temple grounds, which can take additional time. From start to finish, you can expect to take one to three hours at the temple on your wedding day.
How to Include Non-Member Family in Your Temple Wedding
Your family is important. They love you and want to be a part of this special day. Do everything you can to help them feel loved and included, even if they can’t be in the temple with you. So here are some tips to include your family on your wedding day.
Explain to Them the Reasons Why They Can’t Be Inside
The most important thing you can do is share your testimony of the temple covenants and ceremonies. Help share why they can’t enter and that it has nothing to do with their righteousness or decisions.
This rule is simply due to the sacredness of the temple ceremony and the laws of God, and those who can attend have spent a long time preparing to enter.
Additionally, it is very important to discuss this far in advance of your wedding preparations. Some even teach their family about their desire to marry in the temple before they begin dating. This gives the family time to learn and accept the decision.
More importantly, you should also respect their feelings about the situation and continue to express your love for them. Show them that you understand how they must feel and that you want to include them as much as possible.
Express Your Love for Them
While your family may still not accept this, you can at least express your deep love and appreciation for them. You can thank them for supporting your decision to follow your faith. You may even invite them to learn more about temples to help them understand.
Doing this may feel difficult, especially if the family members have distanced themselves from you. Send them texts or voicemails to continue to update them and share why and how much you love them.
Additionally, help them feel extra special and know that they still have a place in your lives. And, importantly, accept their decision, even if it is not what you hoped for. Because, in return, you hope that one day they can accept your decision as well.
Invite Them to the Temple
While they can’t enter the temple sealing rooms, they can sit in the waiting room or on the temple grounds.
Perhaps you can take them to visit the temple where you’ll marry to show them what it looks like and share your testimony of the importance of the sealing ceremony. Explain what a temple sealing means to you and why you want to build your marriage on sacred covenants.
On the day of your marriage, sit with them outside the temple before you go in. Have a special moment where you can thank them for coming and for their influence in your life.
But this leads us to the next important tip.
Don’t Let Them Be Alone
If your non-member family chooses to come to the temple on the day of your sealing, don’t leave them outside alone. This can only make them feel more confused, excluded, and unimportant.
You can invite another family member, friend, bishop, or ward member to join them. They can talk to them, share their temple experience, and express love to them.
Seeing others not invited to enter waiting outside can help your family know that the rule also applies to other people and not just them.
Keep Your Sealing Guests Small
Furthermore, it may be best to keep your sealing guests small. If you invite every family member and friend inside the temple, those who can’t enter may feel even more insignificant.
As sealing rooms already have limited seating, you can easily limit the number of people in attendance. You may wish to have your parents, siblings, or grandparents inside.
If you don’t have many people who can enter the temple, you can invite a close friend or your bishop or ward leaders to join you. However, try to avoid inviting every cousin, friend, and distant aunt and uncle to your sealing.
By inviting a select few people to join you, you can express to your non-member family that many other people will also wait outside with them.
Have another Ceremony Before or After the Sealing
The Church announced in 2019 that couples may have a civil ceremony before a temple sealing without having to wait a year in between.
The First Presidency wrote, “Where a licensed marriage is not permitted in the temple, or when a temple marriage would cause parents or immediate family members to feel excluded, a civil marriage followed by a temple sealing is authorized.”
The First Presidency of the Church wrote that these changes don’t diminish the significance of the temple ordinances. Thus, you may choose to have a civil ceremony before you get sealed in the temple.
According to the letter, these changes “will provide more opportunities for families to come together in love and unity during the special time of marriage and sealing of a man and woman.”
Some couples also choose to have a ring ceremony after the temple sealing. This gives everyone a chance to attend the traditional wedding. You can walk down the aisle, exchange rings, and express your love and commitment to each other for all your friends and family to hear.
Some people invite their bishop to officiate this and explain the importance of the temple sealing and of the family.
Many non-member family members may feel better when recognized in an additional event before or after the temple sealing.
Get Sealed on a Different Day Than the Other Wedding Activities
Because you’ll likely want to take family photos at the temple, still invite your non-member family to the temple on your sealing day. However, by getting sealed on a day other than your reception, you can spend more personal time with your family immediately afterward.
You can have a special family-only lunch or dinner where they can give speeches, congratulate you, and feel the spirit of the temple. It can help keep the sacredness of the experience with you.
Then you can have a reception the following day or another time. Here you can give them more opportunities to feel included and have a traditional wedding celebration.
Give Them a Task
To help your non-member family feel included at your temple sealing, give them a task. You could have them coordinate with the photographer. Or they could organize the flowers for the bridal party and distribute them when they arrive.
They can also hold onto things for you, such as the car keys, makeup bag, and others. You could give them many things to do so they feel valuable and useful while waiting.
Have Them Give a Speech
At my own wedding, we had to get civilly married before we could have the temple sealing. After the sealing, we had a reception and a ring ceremony. Our bishop expressed some words about our temple sealing, the importance of eternal families, and marriage. Then we had our parents stand and give a speech.
It was very special for each of them to feel loved and recognized and express their love and support to us. It also felt more special than having them give speeches at the reception during dinner. (And we got lovely photos and videos of this moment.)
However, you may also have them say some words at the reception when you begin the speech time. Additionally, have them be the first ones to give a speech before your maid of honor or best man.
Should I Have Another Ceremony After the Temple?
The decision to have another ceremony before or after the temple is personal and between the couple and the Lord. The First Presidency has given some guidance on civil marriages before your sealing.
According to the Church Newsroom, “a civil marriage ceremony performed for a couple being sealed in the temple should be ‘simple and dignified.’ Couples may use chapels owned by the Church for these ceremonies.”
However, you may also choose to have a ring ceremony at your reception after your sealing. This is not an official or legal ceremony, but it does give you the chance to walk down the aisle and have everyone participate. Here, you may also wish to express your love and commitment to your new spouse in front of your friends and family.
No matter what you choose to do, keep the sealing ordinance at the center.
The article continues, “Members should understand the ‘importance and sanctity of the temple sealing so that the sealing is the central focus of the marriage and provides the spiritual basis on which the couple begins their life together.’”
Weddings Revolve Around Respect and Love
Your family is the most important thing in your life, behind God. That’s why temple weddings are so important. You don’t want any of your family members to feel rejected, hurt, and excluded on the most important day of your life.
You can find many ways to help them feel loved and included, even if they can’t enter the temple. Center your wedding on love and respect.
Furthermore, you want to form close-knit and loving relationships with your new family-in-law. Help prepare them for the decision you have made and keep them close.
And remember, even if they can’t accept it, you can pray for them, love them, and include them as much as you can. Accept their feelings, show respect and understanding, and hope they can do the same for you in time.
But also remember that whatever happens, the most important thing is the new family you and your spouse are creating. Matthew 19:5 says, “And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?”
Don’t let family contention draw you apart. You’re not only gaining a new family, you’re creating a whole new one. Let this new eternal relationship take precedence over all others.
Keep the Lord close and seek his counsel on how to resolve issues that might appear. He loves you and will help you and your family as you prepare for your temple wedding.
And while planning your wedding, you may wonder, “Can you wear your wedding dress in the temple for your sealing?” Find out and follow along for more Latter-day Saint wedding inspiration and advice.
Love, Laurel
